My friend Ally* is a successful and driven woman. We met in college, and since then she's done well in most aspects of her life (with a few bumps along the way, of course). Her success has included an upwardly mobile career in a career advising office at a very prestigious institution (hint, this institution churns out Nobel Laureates at the same pace that the Big Ten produces NFL draft picks). Since Ally thinks about careers and job searches every day, I asked her for her top interview tips and tricks for the job seeker...and then I realized that this advice is also completely relevant for the date that I have tomorrow night.
As an aside, I don't think it's a coincidence that Ally has also achieved success in her relationship - she's engaged to a great, wonderful, amazing guy - I'm beginning to think there's something to her advice, both from a professional and a personal perspective. Here's what she told me about prepping for an interview:
"Step one is Self-Assessment. You can't really be an effective interviewer unless you've already identified the skills you want to use in a job. You should be targeting job opportunities that you are genuinely excited about and present yourself to the interviewer as a well-directed, self-confident individual who understands his or her own abilities and how they can be used."
So what you're saying is that I probably shouldn't keep going out with guys who I'm not that jazzed about? For example, when I was dating Matt, and he told me that he wasn't really that interested in marriage or kids, and I told him that was cool with me. The skills I would've liked to use in that job/relationship: my ability to bear and raise children. What I was not genuinely excited about: the fact that Matt lived in a one bedroom apartment with almost no furniture and refused to meet my parents. Back to you, Ally.
"You really need to do your research. The more you know about the employer, the more the interviewer will be convinced of your interest in the organization and position. Carefully read the job description and make sure you understand the responsibilities. Know all you can about the company, e.g. its correct name, holding companies, divisions/units."
Unlike the time that I called that guy Brandon to see if he wanted to get together for drink:
Me: Hi, Brandon?
Brandon: I'm sorry, who?
Me: Brandon? It's me...from the bar last weekend.
Brandon: Oh, sorry. Um, I thought you asked for Brandon. But my name is Brian.
Ally's response to this story (besides not letting me ever forget it) is to also tell me to never, ever misspell a company's name in a cover letter. "You have to be so careful about this - if you can't get it right in the cover letter - or in an email about a position - then you're setting yourself up to be eliminated as as a viable candidate immediately."
Of course, she's right - in both the job search world and the dating world, if you don't know enough about the person you're talking to, it's going to be really challenging to try and make a good impression - or a lasting connection. While Ally is telling me she has to run, because of some career search-related meeting that she needs to get to, I'm making a mental note to do some more Facebook stalking before Saturday night. Once again, I'm prepping for the awkward first date, and it feels a lot like getting ready for that really big interview.
*Yes, of course I changed her name!
Friday, November 9, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Job Search Romance Election Returns
It's post election, and depending on your party affiliation, you're either breathing a sigh of relief, or mourning your candidate's defeat. You know whether you're thrilled with four more years with President Obama, or really distressed that Senator Romney didn't pull it out - but do you know what your date/boyfriend/girlfriend/boss/co-worker/direct reports think? And when is it appropriate to start talking politics (or religion)?
Politics and romance mix very differently than politics and the workplace - or do they?
"For years (three years to be exact) I had ignored the fact that my boyfriend and I had dramatically different political views. Never mind the fact that his family engaged in heated political debates around the dinner table or that we had completely opposite view points when it came down to issues like same-sex marriage and the pro-choice vs. pro-life debate - I firmly believed that we would overcome those differences (even though neither one of us was going to budge on the issues) and somehow come to an agreement about eventually raising a family together. Look at James Carville and Mary Matalin! The day of the 2008 election I knew that we had cast our votes for two different candidates. I didn't talk to him the entire day, and that night, when the world was watching the election returns come in, and President Obama was delivering his acceptance speech, we completely ignored the fact that this historically significant election was coming to a close - we didn't even acknowledge that it was happening! Three months later we broke up."
- Lauren P., age 34
"When I started my new job, I was excited to be welcomed so quickly into the office social environment. I was invited to lunches early on, lunches turned to happy hour, I started sharing more personal details with my co-workers, and genuinely enjoyed the time I spent with them, both in the office and after hours. As the election insanity started to kick-off, I came to work one day and saw that my co-worker had put a life-size, cardboard cut-out of one of the candidates (my candidate!) in his office. Yes! This was someone who I worked with daily, had been hanging out with socially on a weekly basis, and now we were going to be able to bond over our support of our favorite presidential candidate - that is, until I realized that he had brought in the cardboard cut-out specifically so that he (and all of my new work friends) could throw things at the "candidate" and ridicule the policies that he was campaigning for. I kept joining in on the lunches and the happy hours, but suddenly everything changed - did I ever know these people at all?"
- Ethan W., age 27
"My office announced early on that on Election Day, everyone could come in late or leave early if they needed to, to be sure to make it to the polls on time. As I was talking to my co-worker and friend about leaving early, and figuring out what time we could reasonably leave without looking like complete slackers, I told her that I was hoped no one was stupid enough to vote for my least favorite candidate. Then I turned around and realized my boss was standing right behind us, with a work assignment to mete out. Let me be clear, I voted for President Obama. But my boss...I'm not quite sure. In fact, I think there's a good chance he voted for Mitt Romney. Ever since Tuesday morning, I've been convinced that he is looking at my differently and it's starting to make me pretty paranoid."
- Mary D., age 23
"I met Jenny at a mutual friend's birthday party, and I thought she was adorable. Then I didn't see her for months - but I heard through that same friend that she had broken up with a boyfriend and was single. When I ran into her again, I decided it was my chance to move in - so we started chatting, then we started making out, then we started dating. It was perfect - lots of romantic dinner dates and lazy afternoons hanging out in the city (or not leaving the house at all). I literally had no complaints at all...until the holidays started to get closer and closer. Every year my family has a huge Thanksgiving get-together with all of my aunts, uncles, cousins. I had told Jenny about how excited I was for the big party, how great it would be for her to meet my family, etc. But as the date got closer and closer, I realized I couldn't do it - there was no way I could bring sweet, wonderful, tried and true Democratic Jenny home to meet my old-fashioned, southern Republican mother. I told Jenny she couldn't come home with me for the holidays. I still see her out from time to time, and yes, it is incredibly awkward."
- Jeff, age 28
Politics and romance mix very differently than politics and the workplace - or do they?
"For years (three years to be exact) I had ignored the fact that my boyfriend and I had dramatically different political views. Never mind the fact that his family engaged in heated political debates around the dinner table or that we had completely opposite view points when it came down to issues like same-sex marriage and the pro-choice vs. pro-life debate - I firmly believed that we would overcome those differences (even though neither one of us was going to budge on the issues) and somehow come to an agreement about eventually raising a family together. Look at James Carville and Mary Matalin! The day of the 2008 election I knew that we had cast our votes for two different candidates. I didn't talk to him the entire day, and that night, when the world was watching the election returns come in, and President Obama was delivering his acceptance speech, we completely ignored the fact that this historically significant election was coming to a close - we didn't even acknowledge that it was happening! Three months later we broke up."
- Lauren P., age 34
"When I started my new job, I was excited to be welcomed so quickly into the office social environment. I was invited to lunches early on, lunches turned to happy hour, I started sharing more personal details with my co-workers, and genuinely enjoyed the time I spent with them, both in the office and after hours. As the election insanity started to kick-off, I came to work one day and saw that my co-worker had put a life-size, cardboard cut-out of one of the candidates (my candidate!) in his office. Yes! This was someone who I worked with daily, had been hanging out with socially on a weekly basis, and now we were going to be able to bond over our support of our favorite presidential candidate - that is, until I realized that he had brought in the cardboard cut-out specifically so that he (and all of my new work friends) could throw things at the "candidate" and ridicule the policies that he was campaigning for. I kept joining in on the lunches and the happy hours, but suddenly everything changed - did I ever know these people at all?"
- Ethan W., age 27
"My office announced early on that on Election Day, everyone could come in late or leave early if they needed to, to be sure to make it to the polls on time. As I was talking to my co-worker and friend about leaving early, and figuring out what time we could reasonably leave without looking like complete slackers, I told her that I was hoped no one was stupid enough to vote for my least favorite candidate. Then I turned around and realized my boss was standing right behind us, with a work assignment to mete out. Let me be clear, I voted for President Obama. But my boss...I'm not quite sure. In fact, I think there's a good chance he voted for Mitt Romney. Ever since Tuesday morning, I've been convinced that he is looking at my differently and it's starting to make me pretty paranoid."
- Mary D., age 23
"I met Jenny at a mutual friend's birthday party, and I thought she was adorable. Then I didn't see her for months - but I heard through that same friend that she had broken up with a boyfriend and was single. When I ran into her again, I decided it was my chance to move in - so we started chatting, then we started making out, then we started dating. It was perfect - lots of romantic dinner dates and lazy afternoons hanging out in the city (or not leaving the house at all). I literally had no complaints at all...until the holidays started to get closer and closer. Every year my family has a huge Thanksgiving get-together with all of my aunts, uncles, cousins. I had told Jenny about how excited I was for the big party, how great it would be for her to meet my family, etc. But as the date got closer and closer, I realized I couldn't do it - there was no way I could bring sweet, wonderful, tried and true Democratic Jenny home to meet my old-fashioned, southern Republican mother. I told Jenny she couldn't come home with me for the holidays. I still see her out from time to time, and yes, it is incredibly awkward."
- Jeff, age 28
Monday, November 5, 2012
Looking for a Date vs. Looking for a Job
I'm getting ready to meet Bob for the first time. We're having a casual conversation over coffee, so I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard - but I also want to look put-together, confident, successful. Let's see - is the suit jacket too much? I looked at his picture on-line, he looks pretty laid back - but there's nothing worse than showing up, and realizing that you're under-dressed. Especially if everyone else ends up being dressed to the nines.
Ok, so I go with the suit jacket, but a colorful tee-shirt underneath (because I am hip and young, and I can definitely go with the flow). I realize that I'm starting to sweat a little bit, because I'm nervous - and blow drying my hair takes forever. What Bob doesn't realize (if I ever see him again after today), is that I never blow dry my hair - it's always up in a ponytail. But if we get that far in our relationship, he'll realize that long after I've established myself as a crucial part of his life.
Then there's the whole timing thing. I don't want to be too early, because then I look desperate. But I don't want to be late, because that's just rude. And it might be a turn-off if he thinks I'm one of those people who is always running late to things. Right, so that means I have to be 15 minutes early - and that means I need to get going, like, right now.
As I drive to meet Bob, I run through my standard intro - the basic facts that I want to convey, but in a natural, conversational way. No lists of accomplisments or anything like that - just breezy, casual, little ol' me, with key references to where I went to school, what I've been doing since then, what I'm hoping to do in the future (but only if HE asks me the "future plans" question - never bring that up first!).
By the time I find a parking spot, check my lip gloss in my rear view mirror, and change out of my flats into my heels, I know I'm going to be there just in time for our agreed upon meeting time - and that's when it hits me: Am I am on my way to a first-date or an informational interview? Because at this point, even I can't tell the difference between the two.
Ok, so I go with the suit jacket, but a colorful tee-shirt underneath (because I am hip and young, and I can definitely go with the flow). I realize that I'm starting to sweat a little bit, because I'm nervous - and blow drying my hair takes forever. What Bob doesn't realize (if I ever see him again after today), is that I never blow dry my hair - it's always up in a ponytail. But if we get that far in our relationship, he'll realize that long after I've established myself as a crucial part of his life.
Then there's the whole timing thing. I don't want to be too early, because then I look desperate. But I don't want to be late, because that's just rude. And it might be a turn-off if he thinks I'm one of those people who is always running late to things. Right, so that means I have to be 15 minutes early - and that means I need to get going, like, right now.
As I drive to meet Bob, I run through my standard intro - the basic facts that I want to convey, but in a natural, conversational way. No lists of accomplisments or anything like that - just breezy, casual, little ol' me, with key references to where I went to school, what I've been doing since then, what I'm hoping to do in the future (but only if HE asks me the "future plans" question - never bring that up first!).
By the time I find a parking spot, check my lip gloss in my rear view mirror, and change out of my flats into my heels, I know I'm going to be there just in time for our agreed upon meeting time - and that's when it hits me: Am I am on my way to a first-date or an informational interview? Because at this point, even I can't tell the difference between the two.
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